


Why did I hold onto you when you had already let go?

by Pcyqo



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Lies, Mental Health Issues, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Unrequited Love, i swear i love the 2nd years, im going to hell for writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 11:42:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20290882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pcyqo/pseuds/Pcyqo
Summary: You had been childhood friends with Chika for as long as she had known. But when she met Riko, their relationship started getting farther and farther.





	Why did I hold onto you when you had already let go?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, please look at the tags. This work has very heavy topics. If any of those topics disturb you, please do not read this.
> 
> If you have any symptoms of depression, please get help right away.
> 
> Although I love angst and drama, I don't like torturing my oshi like this. I wrote this work to express myself a bit. Most of this story's "plot" was inspired by my own experiences. I always hear people saying how depression is a joke or it's not real. These comments upset me and therefore I made this work.
> 
> This left a bitter taste in my mouth as I wrote it, but I think it's better to be expressive than to hide these things.

_ **Don’t hang on to something that won’t stay. The longer you struggle, the more suffering you’re put through. But if you hold onto that something, and you’re committed, be ready and hold on for dear life.** _

“Chika-chan, are you busy today?” You asked as she tilted her head slightly. “Ah, You-chan. Sorry, I have to work on the lyrics with Riko-chan today,” Chika said as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Oh, alright,” You said with a slightly disappointed look. “If you’re free tomorrow, let’s hang out tomorrow!” Chika said as she gave her biggest smile. You smiled back and nodded. “See you, You-chan!” Chika said as she dashed off, catching up to Riko. “Later…” You muttered as she waved her friend goodbye. You stared as the pair giggled and playfully smacked each other. You sighed and went to her own bus stop.

“Oi, You-chan, what’s with the sad look?” Yoshiko asked as she furiously tapped her phone. You sighed. “I wanted to hang out with Chika-chan today… but she had to work on lyrics Riko-chan,” You said. “That’s… unfortunate…” Yoshiko said as she focused on her game. You sighed again. “Maybe I’m getting your bad luck, Yoshiko-chan,” You commented. Yoshiko groaned as she lost and slipped the phone in her bag. “That’s Yohane to you. And wait, did you say work on lyrics?” Yoshiko asked. “Yeah, what about it?” You responded. “Lily told me something else. Are you sure Chika-chan said she was working on lyrics?” Yoshiko asked as she furrowed her brow. “I’m 110% sure! What did Riko-chan tell you?” You asked. “She told me that she was going to the cafe with Chika-chan,” Yoshiko said. “No way! Why would Chika-chan lie to me?” You asked she pouted and crossed her arms. “I don’t know,” Yoshiko responded as she took out her phone again and continued playing. “_T-There’s no way Chika-chan would lie to me, right_?” You thought. You chuckled. “_Of course not_.” You thought.

When You got home, Yoshiko’s claim continued eating at her. Would her best friend really lie to her? What did she gain from lying? Did Chika dislike her? You lost all her appetite and sighed as she planted her body onto her bed. _She’s not your best friend anymore… she hates you_. “_That’s wrong! Chika-chan would never leave me_!” You responded to the voice. _Then why did she lie to you_? “_It’s probably all just a misunderstanding_,” You reasoned. _Then why are you in doubt? If you truly believed that then you wouldn’t even be thinking about it_. “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Get out of my head!” You yelled. “Honey, what’s wrong?” You’s mother asked through the door. “N-Nothing!” You responded. “_B-But… it can’t hurt to check, right_?” You reasoned. 

“I’ll be back soon!” You yelled as she ran outside. She hopped on her bike and rode the fastest she ever had. _She’s lying to you_. _She’s never been your friend_. You shook her head. “_That’s not true_!” You thought. _Why do you lie to yourself_? You ignored the voice and continued biking. She skidded to a halt when she arrived at the cafe doors. She parked her bike and peeked through the windows. You looked through the cafe carefully, scanning for her two friends. You sighed in relief. They weren’t at the cafe. “_Guess Yoshiko-chan is tripping after all_,” You thought to herself. As she was about to go hop on her bike, she heard a sound.

You walked back around, this time to the parking lot. She heard more noises and they sounded familiar. She peeked around the corner and that was where she saw it.

It was Chika and Riko engaging in… a very passionate kiss. You quickly covered her mouth with her hands to silence her gasp. “Ahh~ Chika-chan…” Riko puffed. “Shh, someone might hear us…” Chika hushed. _See? What did I tell you?_ Tears started falling from You’s eyes as she ran away. She hastily hopped on her bike, hitting her foot in the process and biked off. _She was never your friend. She never liked you to begin with. You would never have a chance with her._

After what seemed like an eternity of biking, You stopped at a faraway beach. Wherever she was didn’t matter to her. _She lied to you, she deceived you, she manipulated you, and she used you._ “I guess you were right… I really am a baka You…” You murmured. You took out her phone and started typing a note.

> Hey Chika-chan… were those words you told me when we were little kids really true? Did you really enjoy my company? How many lies have you told because you hated me?
> 
> No, I understand. I understand why you don’t like me. I understand why no one would like me.
> 
> I thought I had a chance. I thought wrong.
> 
> If only I hadn’t fallen in love with you. If only I knew how to let go.
> 
> Why did I hold onto you when you had already let go?

You sighed as she finished the note and placed her phone on the ground. _You know what to do next._ “Yeah, I know. I just want to enjoy the view one last time,” You said out loud. After a while of sitting and laying on the beach, You got up. She took off her shoes, undressed herself, and laid all of her belongings neatly on the shore. She slowly walked into the water, the water rising from her ankles, to her knee, and eventually up to her torso.

You took another step, until slowly, the water reached her neck. “How ironic that I would die to water,” You chuckled as she swam out. As she felt the water slowly go up her face, she relaxed her body. “Why did I hold onto you when you had already let go?” You questioned, as a lone tear fell from her eye. "I guess we won't be hanging out tomorrow," You said.

**Author's Note:**

> You may not have enjoyed and I understand. This is really dark and explores some pretty heavy topics.
> 
> Please, again, if you think you have depression or have any symptoms of depression, get help right away. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
